First let me tell you…

At its worst, it was very bad. I didn’t know how I was going to get out of bed each morning. To function was very, very hard. I didn’t know how I would get through the day.  I just couldn’t believe that someone could lie to me that way.

In my eyes, trust is so important. It just took away everything I believed in.

I lost 20 pounds in a month and a half, and I’m only five foot tall. I didn’t weigh much to begin with. I still don’t know how I could have lost that much weight!

I went to my job every day, but I don’t remember being there or doing it. I just would go through the motions and go to bed hoping in the morning when I’d wake up everything would be a dream. Then I would face it again.

My life was consumed with it.

It’s as if I didn’t even have an island of safety that I could  go to, and I found myself having all that confidence suddenly gone and never knew if the people around me were hurting me or not.

That’s very hellacious.

It’s almost like suddenly being dropped into a foreign country and not able to speak the language, never knowing if you can trust people or not trust people.

I finally got to the point where I had had enough.

I began doing research on trust and began planning a strategy for myself.

And the first place that I started was to regain the trust I had lost in myself – yes, myself.

So what exactly do I mean by saying I had lost trust in myself?

To not trust myself meant I expected there to be harm or pain concerning me and concerning the future.

It was like the world became a very scary place and I was expecting a lot of negative things to come my way.

It was almost like I was on the lookout for bad or painful things to start happening to me.

I was afraid to make any decisions of any kind because I felt that they wouldn’t be right.

It’s not a real good place to be.


Here’s a quick (less than 3 minutes) audio where I tell you a little more about my loss of trust:


So I began to work at rebuilding the trust in myself and my process basically boiled down to 5 steps:

  • I took good care of myself
  • I allowed confidence to build in myself
  • I was honest with myself
  • I gave myself plenty of time to heal
  • I forgave myself instead of punishing myself

Once I gained the strength inside to trust myself and others, I started to open up to friends and family members for emotional support.

It took a while, but I also began looking to Doug again for support as well as making some demands of him.

We also worked hard at trusing him again – which wasn’t easy!…

Continue reading… (Page 3 of 4)